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April 15 THIS LIFE OF MINEI've never stopped trying to like this life. But I am not sure it's the life I still want in 5 or 10 years. Sometimes I just wonder whether it's all worthwhile. Escape is the best way out. I am a coward in life, always. It's definitely getting worse. There are times when I want to lock myself up, in my small world. I am scared and confused, though most of the time I am too proud to admit. I don't know what is real and what is false around me. Sometimes you just get hurt when you reveal your true self. What a shame! So I learn to hold back. I am losing myself. I am diappionted and scared and depressed. I don't know THIS ME anymore. The OLD ME is out OF date. But I like her. I miss the times when I want to cry, I just shed tears; when I feel like laughing, I just laugh my heart out. I want to fit in. To fit in this life. But I am so out of place. I don't know where this life is taking me to. What's waiting for me down this road. I keep telling myself to stay positive and motivated. To stick to what I believe in. But my memory is fading. For most of the time I'm feeding on my faith and memories. NOW... I don't like it when I have to struggle to dig for a smile and tell myself to be postive when I really want to lie down and drown myself in disappointment. I am not living the life I want. Who am I and what am I doing? IS ANYBODY OUT THERE TrackbacksThe trackback URL for this entry is: http://amei-joelle.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!7DD2F32AC2105B66!535.trak Weblogs that reference this entry
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