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April 01 Happy birthdayI am still up
I am supposed to be happy
It's my birthday
But I am anything but happy
For the time elapsed
and the old same me.
Whatever...
I am gonna hold my head high
and hope for the best
Happy birthday March 18 Be strongIt's when things go wrong that you mustn't quit.
I tell myself to be strong.
To the ones I cherish and love.
My dear dear father, especially.
I am always praying for you, from this moment on.
Everything is gonna be okay.
God bless my beloved father and every member of my family.
As a whole, we can get over any difficulty and fear.
You just need a little faith.
With crossed fingers. February 01 A minor resolutionI am resovled to cut down on the time spent online. Too much time online makes me feel empty and insecure. Haha, dany may find it unfair, because I seldom have time to chat with him. Dany, my best net friend, don't miss me too much  . Spring is coming and I feel hopeful again. Winter is never my season. I am sick and tired of it. Anyway, I've decided to be more mature this year. Go, go, go! January 29 joelle's back hereThis is really a deserted land. Anyway, I will come here more this year. November 16 SheShe is a wanderer just like Wushuang, except that she is much shabbier. When she first appeared on the campus, she looked funny with her ears dyed red and tail green, but actually she is a white dog. I couldn't figure out why she was dumped because if she had been taken good care of she could've been a pretty dog. She is not aggressive as Wushuang, who always chased her the moment he saw her. I bet it's not for affection but a gesture of showing his strenghten over her. The poor little dog would run for safty whenever she saw him. She had no stake to play against anyone.
After Wushuang's gone, I still saw her a lot on the long alley to our yard. It semed she grew shabbier and shabbier day by day. She just fed on the leftovers thrown in the dump nearby. And for the next month she went completely out of my sight. I didn't realize her absence until recently. One morning I saw her again on the alley. I was taken aback to see her with a grey baby dog. It's so tiny and delicate and cute that I couldn't help crying out" Where on earth does this puppy come from?"
"The white dog" replied a neighbor pleasantly. Soon, several other people gathered around her and looked at the scene in amazement.I still couldn't believe my eyes despite the neighbor's story about how she gave birth to the baby dog.I mean last time when I saw her she was flat-stomached. Or, I didn't notice she was pregnant because she was too skinny? I looked closely and found this time she was skinner. She actually gave birth to a beautiful baby dog! They two both were lying in the warm sun. She got protective with so many poeple around, while the baby dog put its lilttle chin on the back of its mother looking curiously at us with no fear It seems she is still living around. I guess some family has taken her in. I see them occasionally on the alley when the weather is good nd the sun is warm. The baby dog can walk now and often stumbles after its mother. She is still shabby but looks very peaceful now. Life used to be hard for her, but now she's got a second sun shining on her life--her little baby, who brings a reason for her to live on hopefully and decently. November 14 A visit to Cassidy'sCassidy got married this October. And that has reduced her to my former roommate. We lived under the same roof of our shabby dormitory for two years. Today, I called at her new house for the first time since she got married.
The house is very orderly and clean. Everything is brand-new.I made a major "tour" from bedrooms to the study then the kitchen with thousands of "wow's". She's even got several green plants, which as she explained was presented by her former students.She made me supper and we talked as we ate very happily.I had a good time there.
She urged that I should try to find a boyfriend and start a family of my own.In fact, who hasn't brought that up within my friends zone and family? It's too complicated a thing for me to handle now. I am used to being single all these years and haven't been in any relationship. Not that I am an icy person but it's just because the right guy hasn't come along yet. This is about how I am going to spend the rest of my life, so I won't make any rash decisions, for I don't want to be those mismatched couples ending up broken-hearted. And it's not the only reason to hold me where I am. I am afraid I love myself too much. I don't want anybody to invade my territory and share everything of my own world.I like being myself and an independent soul. Love and marriage is about compromise and sacrifice. I don't think I am ready for either. That's why I need to take my time to grow up.
Finally, may every one who has found his or her other half have a best life and happiness November 12 My Diary Book I checked the date. It was July 6,2008---the day when I last wrote anything in my diary book. You can't call it a diary book actually, for I didn't really write things regularly.
It's a very beautiful notebook with a lovely young lady on the cover, long straight hair, oval lovely face and faded blue jeans skirt. In the distant there is a splendid catsle with small windmills on its roof. A smile on her face, the young lady is walking to the castle. I decided it would be my diary book when I first saw it in a stationer's shop. I know I am desperately romantic deep in my heart. The castle, the windmills, the stars...how could I resist it? Open it, and the first page is about how my former high school Chinese teacher discouraged me from writing by accusing me of plagiarism based on nothing and how English gave me courage and confidence to carry on through those dark frustrating times. So I choose to use English to write my blog and diary. I am not showing off anything quite apart from my having nothing to show off. I feel comfortable with English. I mean I often make mistakes grammatically and idiomatically, but I don't care. I am willing to express everthing out in English, which I find quite impossible if I use Chinese. In fact, I only confided the storyto several of my close friends. The second"article" is titled Making Reading A Larger Part of My Life, which now I realise was written in vain. There are so many distractions in my life, and the Internet is the biggest temptation. The stored words are running out. Soon I'll be a dried well if I don't read more. It's much like an alarm bell.
I wrote 10 "articles" altogether from March.28 to July,6. Then the passion faded and I put it on the shelf, forgetiing all about my writing "plan" till now. Anyway, I still have to tell myself: Don't stopping rolling. It's always the truth that if you don't move forward then you'll move backwards. I never wants to be lagged behind. I like myself being full of energy and inspiartions. Come on, Joelle!
November 08 A robotIt's funny: I only have things to say when I get emotional or unhappy. I haven't written anything for a month. It has been deserted like a wasted plot. My certain friend said I am living my life like a human robot.HUH, I've now officially become a robot. October 02 Out of hospitalWhen I was lying on my back in the bed of the hospital, I felt like I was having a long undisturbed nightmare.I wanted so badly to wake up, but there was nobody around who I could turn to for help. The single thing I could do was wait. Every minute felt like a day and sometimes I just felt the time stopped for a while and I could hardly felt my own existence. That was horrible and that was how I felt when my mum or friends or students were not around when I was in the ward. Finally, the day broke and I saw the sun again after my 7-day confinement in the hospital. Amen. I've gone through the hardest time and there were so many poeple I want to thank for making the process so less painful. Maggie, you are the one by my side when I went through health check and comforted me when I was scared out of my mind, and the one who always came to the ward after classes, and I really appreciate that; Wu Zhaoli, you are a caring roommate, although we haven't known each other for long, you've already given me a lot of help and care and I feel lucky to have you as a new roommate; Yang Liu, you gave up your chance to go to Nanjing to take care of me and I don't know what to say, and although the soup you cooked for me was...not so tasty, I am thankful for that; Yu Qianqian, Lu weihong, Fan Xiaoyun , Yue Lingling, Xu wenjing and Li Xia , thank you all for your care my dear "yard-mates"; next all the collegues who came to visit; all the students came with your care and laughter; all the friends who came or sent your greetings; all the nurses and doctors... I don't know how to thank you all enough, but I will remember all those kind gestures and deeds. Now I am out of hospital and I am ok now. Don't worry about me any more. And I promise I will care more about my own health. God bless everybody. 本文标签： September 14 I am soryI am sorry for being so insensitive. But at that time I felt really bored at the same question asked over and over again first by our sister and next our brother then you. "How is mum?" "What's wrong with her?" "What did the doctors say about her problem?" "Anything serious?" "How are they gonna do with it?" ... I felt really bored then, really. Please let me have a breath of fresh air. I've been stressed out these past five days.It's the result that you should care about. When I told you not to ask me any more questions since they could not help mum in any way, I didn't lay any blame on you all not being there with mum. I know you are all busy with your life. I understand. So I only want you to fucus on your work and not to worry much. I am there to take care of mum and she is ok now.You should trust me. You all know me. I don't have very good temper. I thought you could understand and tolerate me since you are my elder sister. But I didn't realize I am an adult now and sometimes you may take my careless words into heart.I am sorry my sister. But I just feel a little sad because you are angry with me now. I still want to be a child in your eyes. August 27 Larger than OlympicsLarger than Olympics. This is what I read in a newsperpaer the other day. I think poeple go crazy when it comes to medal-winning competetion in the Olympic Games. Every Chinese hopes that China can get to the top in terms of the number of medalists.Are medals really so important to us that we become too narrow-minded to accept any failure or some unexpected incident like Liu Xiang's quiting the game? Our hero became the target of some poeple's spit overnight. My heart aches for him though I am by no means his fan ever.It's highly unfair to him. He quitted the game because of the injury in his foot. Some poeple say at least he should have finished running and he should have given it a shot; some poeple even doubt he quitted because he was afraid of losing to Robles... I am really speechless at those remarks. Icy, cold enough to freeze your heart. If you are not willing to give your understanding, for God's sake, keep your mouth shut. We still have something that is larger than Olympics. August 06 This late, this early Wushuang, the worst thing happened when we were away on holiday July 27 A sensitive moment feeling for my dear roommate, friend and sister ShirleyI wonder how I can describe this moment.
The music I am now listening to is just like a breeze touching my heart.
It's John Mayer's Slow Dancing in A Burning Room.
For this moment, I want to close my eyes and swing my body gentely to the lazy slow flow of the music, peacefully and beautifuly.
I am gonna just close my eyes and let my heart lead its own way...
I made a little scream when you told me your Mr-always-on-the-phone-end was right by your side when you were talking to me on the phone.
Fianlly, he came back.
From your tone, I know you are pretty into that guy. Cheers!
Shirley, do you know that, I am so happy for you now that my sweet tears have blinded my eyes.
Honey, I wish I could hug you now, for this sensitive moment.
You are the most pure-minded person I've ever met.
To put it directly, you are a little slow...
I'll always remember that time when you asked me:" A-mei,鸡是动物么？"
I stood there, speechless, wondering how you could ever be able to pass the college entrance exams in the lack of the very common sense.
We are all so impressed by your typical"有没有爱情故事啊？"
Like the rest of us, you also look forward to pure true love.
And now you have found yours. Honey, good for you!
I'll never forget that gloomy time you saw me through; you were always on my side, watching me laugh and cry for somebody.
I feel secure when I was,am and will be with you.
I wish I had wings so that i could fly to you now.
My head is so crowed with memories that I am not able to go on wiriting anything about you now.
I can even picture how the other four will react when they know about your "progress".
If we were in college now, how would we celebrate this big event?
Shannon is coming to visit. I've been feeling excited all these days.
When she is here we'll plan to have a big reunion soon, the six of us.
Shirely, my dear roommate, friend and sister, I wish you the best of life and happiness July 17 An inspiring songMusic is magical, coz it can often speak your mind. I like Taylor Swift's A Place In This World mainly because of the lyrics. No more words, listen to her. And a big smile to myself. Taylor Swift - A Place In This World I don't know what I want so don't ask me Cause I'm still trying to figure it out Don't know what's down this road I'm just walking Trying to see through the rain coming down Even though I'm not the only one Who feels the way I do I'm alone, on my own and that's all I know I'll be strong, I'll be wrong oh but life goes on I'm just a girl trying to find a place in This world Got the radio on my old blue jeans And I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve Feeling lucky today got the sunshine Could you tell me what more do I need And tomorrow's just a mystery, oh yeah But that's ok I'm alone, on my own and that's all I know I'll be strong, I'll be wrong oh but life goes on I'm just a girl trying to find a place in This world Maybe I'm just a girl on a mission But I'm ready to fly I'm alone, on my own and that's all I know I'll be strong, I'll be wrong oh but life goes on I'm just a girl trying to find a place in This world I'm just a girl I'm just a girl I'm just a girl July 15 AwarenessDo not look back in anger, or forward in fear, but around in awarenss. Recently I have experienced a personal breakdown.(I am not sure if I picked the proper word.) In some way I may have “offended” some of my students. I do remmeber scolding certain students for their absence of mind in class. But the last thing that I could imagine happened last month----a student shot a post on our school’s bulletin board titled” what a teacher!” accusing me of immorality. I was literally shocked. (In fact, I even kind of know who posted the words.) I won’t comment on the personality of this student here. But I am so confused that how dark could his heart be like this. Ask my students about me, and I am sure I don’t deserve this accusation. Somehow “What a teacher” became the second hittest post on the bulletin board of our school. Some of my collegues constantly tell me that they have seen the post and that they are sure I don’t deserve the accusation. And most of them tell me not to care too much about the post. But the thing’s been getting more and more ridiculous, and some anonymous people( not my students) even began to attack me( They don’t even know me!) . Yeah, popele tend to have this prejudice: if students attack their teachers people tend to think it’s the teachers’ fault. But it’s the teachers that know the inside story of teacher-student relationship. Suddenly, I was alone. In fact it’s not about that sudent’s post or the lookers-on’s unfair comment on me. It’s people’s indifference that upsets me most. They see the post but few are willing to stand up for me, including the people around me who I regard as friends or plesant acquaintances. Perhaps I have the wrong expectation in the first place. Why should they defend me? Fortunately, I do have some friends who stand by my side. I really appreciate for their kindness and understanding. I remember a sentence”As we grow older, the line seperating right and wrong, which seemed so clear to us when we were children, seems to grow blurry”. I didn’t realize that until recent days. What sucky reality! At first I felt angry and disappointed. But now I understand I still have some growing up thing to do. Yeah, I should stand on my won feet. I should not be angry and I should not fear anything that should happen to me and I should be always aware that I am not in a wonderland or a pure sacred paradise. Grow up, girl. You are in a real world! July 06 My very first English "poem"...Cheers!Outside the cicadas are shrieking Even can’t they stand The big sun above scorching
How can I bear this life of a hell The bitterness of persuing dreams Is what people in cozy homes can’t tell
I can see in front of the classroom a big tall tree Has it ever dreamed From this land to be set free
All I need is just one more year The moement I have all my sweat paid back I shall not restrain another single of my tear
-------------to all my struggling students and myself June 28 Back to my former high school
It has changed beyond recognition. Look at the goden words read:定远县第二中学（ English version should be Dingyuan NO.2 Middle school) That's right. It's my former high school, where I spent three years living all by myself for the first time. Now, it has taken on a new look. It looks good, isn't it?
Although the school is so differrent now, there are still something remaining unchanged. For example, this tree I am leaning on. It is an old friend. It grows right in front of our former classroom. It looks strong, isn't it?
My private territory. It's a corner of the school. It's the place where I used to do my morning reading. It has survived and looks exactly the same as it used to be six years ago. It's amazed, isn't it?
Yangliu and I were strolling on the campus.
On the square we met our former P.E teacher.
He is still very young, but obviously he has very vague memory about us.
It's six years since we graduated fron high school.
It's sweet for us to take a short visit to it, isn't it?
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